Just outside of the old city, in Rome, stands the basilica of St. Paul Outside the Walls. It is a beautiful, Mediterranean church, that creates a sense of awe as you walk this traditional site of Paul's martyrdom and worship in the presence of his remains. Two great bronze doors invite worshipers and pilgrims into the gracious space. On those doors are relief panels that tell the story of Paul's life and ministry. In the center are two panels that bear the gleaming image of Christ, and portray the conversion of St. Paul.
It is an interesting thought, and a remarkable story...the conversion of St. Paul, that is. Indeed, Paul had a brilliant encounter with Christ, and was called suddenly, even violently into his ministry (Acts 9). And the doors tell that story in vivid detail.
But, just beyond the doors, in the courtyard of the basilica, are rows of shrubs...the scraggly, Mediterranean type that require a great deal of grooming to be attractive. They are naturally bent and scarred by the Mediterranean weather, the intense sun and the great swings between drought and deluge. And with no disrespect to the artisan that created the basilica's doors, I believe that those bent, twisted bushes represent Paul's conversion better than the great bronze doors. Here is why...
When a plant grows up out of the ground, it is a perfect little shoot, as straight as an arrow, reaching up out of the dark soil towards the sunlight. But as it grows, it will trope. As the sun rises and sets, and navigates its parabolic path through the seasons, the plant is forced to twist and turn towards the direction of the sun. There are chemicals, called tropic hormones that cause the plant to naturally convert towards the sun. You keep your houseplants straight by turning the pot. But in its natural state, a plant will twist a little more each day in order to grow towards the source of light. And after several years of this daily conversion, plants are not straight. Often times, a mature plant looks completely different from the perfectly straight shoot that began its new life. It bears a turn for every changing hour, a scar for every changing season, and new growth for every day it turns toward the light. A lifetime of conversion, daily repenting towards the light leads to a new creation each and everyday.
Paul was called, in one, amazing day on that road to Damascus. But, he didn't come fully formed as a disciple of Christ. In fact, he wasn't an apostle for many years. He had to be nurtured, and mentored in this faith by Ananias. When he began to preach, his message was brash and untrained. He was somewhat of a loose cannon, and so, he was sent to his home for several years to live and learn before the disciples approached him to lead his first mission. Then, he was entrusted with a mission to collect funds from the churches in the region. Only then did he begin to establish groups of faithful Christians. And when he established these groups, he began by gathering people of the Jewish faith. It wasn't until years later that Paul began to fully understand and articulate the fact that he was called to share this good news with Gentiles, too. And indeed, in his letters, you can see this growth evolve in his language about the law and the gospel. He is working out what it means for non-Jews to live out this faith in the God of Abraham, and what it means for the body of Christ to adapt to Gentiles in this faith. He was learning, even after years of ministry, what the good news of God's love meant for his life, and those he met. My point is this...it took decades for Paul to become who Christ had called him to be. And it happened through constant troping...being sanctified by the Spirit...constantly changing...never finished...growing in new ways every day/month/year towards the light. And after a lifetime, he had become a new creation. That is Sanctification...that is Conversion...that is Repenting...that is METANOIA.
Whenever Scripture talks about repenting...whether it's Jesus, John the Baptist, Isaiah, Amos, Paul or Peter...the word is METANOIA. This is conversion. Not the one time flash of light...BANG! You're a Christian...but the life long work of new growth in the Spirit. This is daily dying and rising in the waters of your baptism, where everyday you learn something new about God's grace by paying attention to the world around you in light of the Gospel. This is the already/not yet of our salvation. This is daily sanctification. We have been given the grace of new life...like a little shoot growing up out of the Mediterranean soil...but there's a lot of growing to do in the light of that gift of grace.
My life, as young as it is, has seen some great changes. Many of those changes have to do with being a witness to the work of God in the lives of people that are so different from me. Whether it was my time in the Taize Community in France with Christians from Australia, Japan, Mexico, and Great Britain, or living in Denmark, where I serve a Church of people from six continents, and shared ministry with Young people from Poland, Sweden, Latvia, Lithuania and Finland, or walking with youth from Israel and Palestine for a brief time, or ministering to children suffering at Duke Hospital with many diseases and ailments that threatened their life, or hearing the stories of immigrants to our nation who have no hope and no voice except for people of faith who are willing to advocate for them...all of these experiences have allowed me to see that my repenting is never done. I am always turning towards the light of the Holy Other. God is greater than the distance my own eyes can see and my ears can hear.
In other words, everything that I knew, assumed, or dogmatically supported must be viewed differently in light of the true gospel. What does it mean to support a political party in light of Christ's sovereignty? What does it mean to pay taxes, or justify a never ending work schedule? What does Christian marriage really look like when we strip away the cultural demands on our identity? How do we read Scripture in light of the fact that no matter how much we suffer, we are still the most powerful and affluent nation in the world? All of these perspectives must be changed by this calling to follow. Just like those who journeyed down the road to Damascus (Acts 9), and the road to Emmaus (Luke 24)...when you realize the presence of Christ along your way...everything changes. And on my road, everything has changed. In light of the good news, scenery has changed, voices sound different, relationships feel different, and what was has been made new.
This kind of change is hard and is incredibly humbling. In fact...it's downright overwhelming. People may not understand, family might be confused. And that is why true repentance is serious business...not emotional/spiritual/charismatic mumbo-jumbo God talk. The Christian faith makes a claim on your life that sometime even hurts, as all growing pains do. But in the waters of baptism, I have a constant, abundant source of renewal...I can tap into the life-giving waters of God's Spirit each and every day and find the grace to turn a bit more towards the light of the Son. And like those Mediterranean shrubs, I already look entirely different that I did just a few years ago, when I truly began to walk down this road.
I fully expect that by the end of my life I will be so changed that I will look back on this point in my life and be amazed at how different the Spirit has created me from this point. And God willing, it will be so. Because the Spirit is never finished with us, until that final day. Each day until then is another step, finding Christ along the way, turning to follow him, and growing into the covenant that God has made with us in our baptism, so that we may lead a godly life until the day of Jesus Christ.
Just don't stop walking...